Pairing: J/C
Rated MA
June 2001
By: AW
Length: 910 words
Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON’T OWN THEM

Author's Note: To all my loyal and not so loyal readers, this was written with the intent of fulfilling a challenge. A 'friend' gave me a line and said can you write a story around it, I thought, sure why not. So this is what came of it.

Enjoy! AW

B'Elanna and Kathryn sat at the table in the mess hall. She was almost due, and Kathryn had relieved her of duty. Kathryn herself, had discovered not a day ago, that well...it appeared Chakotay was going to be a father too. But there were these weird stories going around, and no one would tell her anything.

So she had cornered B'Elanna in the mess hall, and had told her, if she clarified the rumors, she would tell her a secret that would make her feel not so alone.

B'Elanna had gotten an odd look in her eyes and had agreed.

"Okay, so it all started on that away mission. Well that sort of training away mission, you remember the one Kathryn don't you?"

Kathryn tried to put the pieces together, "You mean the one where I made everyone brush up on their survival training and I had those drills..."

"Yeah the one where you kept making me 'go into labor' and you thought it was absolutely hilarious." B'Elanna glared at her Captain, "And then where you remembered that Chakotay couldn't start a fire worth a donkey's behind and kept putting him in charge of starting fire's and telling the women that they were not to give him hair samples under any circumstances."

Kathryn chuckled at the mental images. "You know Kathryn, you tested my patience, you can only imaging giving birth so many times before it gets really repetitive."

"I know B'Elanna, I'm sorry. But remember, while you were down there, I had to deal with Neelix and Tuvok and Harry." She let out an exasperated breath. "You know, I never realized how much Harry whines until I had to listen to him, and only him." Kathryn rolled her eyes.

"So anyway, Chakotay is trying to rub two sticks together, and of course, its not working, and I swear I could hear you laughing your ass off from the ship."

Kathryn's eyes sparkled, "Yes laughing I was, I was rathing enjoying how inept my crew can be. And then there was Tom, watching him trying to..."

"Oh yeah, trying to encourage me to push. Geez Kathryn, you could have..."

"Could have what made him dead during some of the simulations? Would you have preferred the unnamed blue ensign helping you out? Or how about the Yellow ensign?"

B'Elanna glared. "Come on KJ we all know what happens the the yellow ensigns."

Janeway looked at B'Elanna, "I know, why the hell do you think I kept Mr. Kim on the ship?"

The ladies shared a laugh. "Okay Kathryn, first, tell me your secret, then I'll tell you how Chakotay finally got the fire started."

"First B'Elanna, you have to promise to finish, secondly you can't tell anyone until I give you the okay, thirdly, if I hear this from Tom...you're a dead woman, pregnant or not."

B'Elanna held up her arms in mock defeat. "Alright, alright, so what's the secret?"

"Well, Ms. Torres, it seems, you're not the only one who has gotten herself into a predicament."

B'Elanna's eyes widened, and she pointed to her enlarged abdomen. Kathryn simply nodded. "Well Kathryn, when I'm done this story, you'll be glad it happened when it did."

Kathryn gave B'Elanna a curious look. "Okay, so anyway...Chakotay was trying to start a fire...as usual he was having no luck."

Kathryn nodded, "Yeah we've already covered that. So what happened next? What was the problem?"

"Okay, well you had your three dead yellow ensigns, and then Neelix comes over, and starts yammering on about stupid goddamned things he could produce with leola root...if only there were some around."

Kathryn nodded listening intently, "So anyway, Tom makes some cracks about how he would like to avoid poisening his pregnant wife, and Chakotay turns around and starts laughing so he's not paying attention to what he's doing."

Kathryn could feel the punchline coming on, "Yeah so what happened?"

"Well," B'Elanna hesitated, "Let's just say Chakotay started a fire."

Kathryn couldn't believe that. "And just how did he manage that?"

B'Elanna felt the giggles coming on. "So remember what we said about hair, and how it was a catalyst, and..."

Janeway nodded, feeling the infectious giggles of her engineer, "Well," B'Elanna whispered something to her.

"What I don't think I heard you correctly." Janeway stated matter of factly.

"Well after all his attempts, and with all the crap going on, he wans't paying attention to anything but Neelix's stupidity and then of all things..." B'Elanna waited.

"What, what the hell happened?"

B'Elanna got it out quickly before she let a large laugh engulf her. "Then, to make things worse, his groin starts to smoke!"

Janeway stayed quiet, processing the information she had just been given. "You mean?"

B'Elanna nodded, "Uh huh."

Janeway and B'Elanna both let out whales of laughter. "Well B'Elanna, let's just say, now I know where that scar came from you know where, and why he wouldn't tell me how he got it." Janeway looked serious. "Battle scars my ass."

THE END